Nutty Questions Concerning “Self-Driving”Cars

6 Jul

And now a few questions surrounding the nuttiness of the current (non) discussions that are (not) widely occurring yet regarding this “self-driving” car stuff.

One of these (non) discussions is failing to occur when experts suggest that one day we won’t own our own cars, but will instead summon vehicles to come pick us up for our trip down the block for milk.  Would these empty cars not be racking up additional environmentally unfriendly miles every time they come to get us?  Or, if the plan is for them to pick up other passengers along the way (imagine the wait times), could we not just slap some rails underneath these bad boys (for safety’s sake) and create a “smart phone connected” rail system?  By definition, these customers aren’t looking to “grab the wheel” themselves anyway.

And what of the widely unchallenged notion that these cars will be using their communication powers to link up with other cars on the road, thus travelling in tight formation just inches apart?  I wasn’t previously aware that “tailgating” is bad because it is “hard to do”.  I always thought the concern was “reaction time”.  Not just mine, but also Isaac Newton’s (think “Apple Car”).

The list goes on and on  ………. Who do we give “the wave” to when overly cautious (driverless) cars let us into the roadway out of turn?  Who do we give the “finger” to when stuck behind these same cars?

Will driverless cars be able to get out of the way (by driving over the curb onto someone’s lawn, etc.) of a honking ambulance under all of the potentially infinite scenarios? (Correct answer being “no”).

When a driverless car stalls in the middle of a fast moving road (not due to a computer problem of course because computers don’t typically malfunction) it will surely turn on its flashers, but who will walk back 100 feet to wave off unsuspecting drivers zooming around the bend?  Will these cars tip the tow truck driver (or non-driver)?

When one of these empty cars runs someone down, it will surely dial ‘911’, but what will it tell the operator in relation to the severity of the situation?

What happens in the D.O.T’s record books when two driverless cars flatten each other?  Is this recorded as a “deadly accident”?

We’ve all heard of “cow tipping”, but what about the newest craze – covering the sensors of rich people’s driverless cars so that their owners cannot “summon” them.  Oh, that’s right, we will all be on camera 24 hours a day with these cars around.

…. Snow, sand, ice, “continue on” wave’s from pedestrians, deer and dogs given same priority (or not?) as humans, police directed emergencies, plastic bags floating across the street, jumpy dog in the middle of the highway (I actually saw this once), flooded out roads, missing or recently altered street signs, approaching cop car with lights flashing (C’est pour moi? says Mr. Peugeot) ………. on and on and on and on.

Of course, regardless of the degree of immunity granted up front, what will actually happen most often is that these cars will be out there in overly cautious mode, slowing everyone down due to their (quite necessarily) overly cautious programming and – as now required by the insurance companies – strict adherence to speed limits.  I could have sworn that some road study scientists once discovered that if there exists a steady flow of highway traffic and just two drivers (side by side) slow down for just a few seconds, it creates a backward moving ripple effect that slows down the trailing cars for miles, and lasts a very long time.  Perhaps automated cars can handle this situation better than humans?  It makes you wonder, will the D.O.T. now recommend installing the opposite of “HOV” lanes on the highways?  Perhaps we will now have “LOVE” lanes? (Low Occupancy Vehicle – Electric)

Jay Leno once said (paraphrased) that in the end, we are not going to have a bunch of driverless cars roaming the streets.  Instead, this technology will be incorporated as safety additions similar to ‘ABS’ braking and so on.  So, if Mr. Leno (an expert in both “comedy” and “cars”) is in fact correct – why the big push (by “safety experts”) to get our hands off the wheel?

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